I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
