I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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