so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
