I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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