don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
