Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
