I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
