Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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