I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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