Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
