What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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