That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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