you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
