dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
