Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
