I hope mine doesn't look like that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
