i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize