Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
