Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
