I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
