You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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