party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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