I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
