I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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