my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
