My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize