And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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