just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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