That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
