You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
