It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
