I hate all girls vehemently.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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