thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
