there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
