I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
