I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
