I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
