A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im part way to drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
