You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
