You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
