I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
