I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
