Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
