1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
