When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
