i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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