Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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