Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
