We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
