he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
