remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
