that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize