I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
