I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
