apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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