I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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