I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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