eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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