if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Will exercising make me less horny?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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