I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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