I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
