I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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