I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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