so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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