Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
