Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
