Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
