He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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